Who is in the hut?

"Well, at least I didn't drop a fork on someone's head!"

No, but I did, unfortunately, defying both the laws of gravity and all forms of accepted etiquette. Luckily, the gorgeous victim of my unprovoked attack was not only unoffended, he was delighted to talk pizza toppings and (oh yes) cricket with me. And my friends say it is a useless hobby to have...

...They're wrong! Boys like pizza. And some like cricket too.

And one of these days I'm going to meet a sane person, wandering bewildered through the streets. Until then, though, I will have to be content with looking worriedly on as friends of the family clamber over fences to find bits of wood (which, naturally, they are stealing from their workplace) to make my armature: "Errr, Mark? Is that actually allowed?".

Hmmmm...

Oh, and happy new year to you all. To my two readers, I mean.

. . . . .

And so it's 2006. Although it feels pretty much the same as life ever did; with so much going on time just blends in to one long, labourious day. But as I've taken a shine to compiling lists over the past... well, I did it in one entry, I have put together my 2006-at-a-glance calendar. Although it's not in chronological order or anything, because my brain is in a bit of a mess. Anyway. A lot is happening in 2006, you know!

1) GCSEs. And, of course, mocks, but in the greater scheme of things they pale in comparison to the real thing. So I'll revise, I put in the effort, blah blah blah. Well, my horoscope (yes, I've taken to believing it, since I had one vaguely accurate one) says it will be a tough year, but I'll make it through in one piece. Well, actually, it didn't mention any kind of triumph or making it through, but a little bit of optimism never killed anyone, did it?

2) Sixth Form. I am genuinely really excited about it, believe it or not. I've heard all the stories about back-breaking work, but the fact remains that I'll no longer have to do maths, nor science, and, from September onwards, I get to books and write about them. And there's no uniform! What more could you possibly want?

3)I'm going on holiday to Mexico. Again, very excited. There will be sunshine, hopefully, and palm trees too. Sophie's already put her order in for a sombrero, whilst my brother's friends are quite keen on having a straw donkey each. So, on our return, as we march through the Stansted arrival lounge, we will look like either a) those annoying touristy people I hate or b) drug smugglers/ general criminals ("It's in the straw donkey!"). Very promising, I think you'll agree.

4) The Ashes!!! If we retain them, it will absolutely make my Christmas. If we lose (probably more likely), then I will cry into my Christmas pudding. But I like it that way, going into it with a bit of realism. Then if we do win (or should I say when we do win) it's a joyous occasion: my grandparents in Melbourne can gloat to their neighbours ("Now, how does that song go? Oh yeah - 'You all live in a convict colony, a convict colony, a convict colony...'") and every boy under the age of thirteen can (and will) smash those little red balls of pain into windows, walls and people to their hearts' content: "We did win the Ashes, you know!".

5) England vs. Pakistan. I realise I've become a bit of an obsessive armchair cricketer, but it really is a good thing; it gives me things to talk about not only with my brother, but also with the boys at the cricket club and handsome young scorers. So an excellent thing, in fact. And I'm going to the Oval to watch skunk-hair and Freddie in person - well worth the price of an admission ticket.

6) Prom. Well, I'm not really excited about the Prom, but everyone else is, so I feel I should try and get in the spirit of things. To me, it's just a bit of a party in which I get to wear a nice dress, which a lot of the nonchalant boys I know won't go to anyway, so it doesn't seem like an occasion of life-or-death importance. Also, there's a bit of a quandry as to who is going in whose limo: after the recent Simon vs. Us debacle and the even more recent Simon-calls-Kirstin-fat debacle, I'm pretty sure that, whilst I'm not bothered either way, he's not really welcome in the eyes of my other girlfriends.

7) My seventeenth. I'm practically a grown-up. How terrifying is that? Also, even more terrifying is the fact that, by the end of the year, I'll be allowed on the roads. No one will be safe as me and my car crash into everything within crashing distance. I'd better remember to wear a seatbelt, then.

8) Lots of little things which will no doubt light up my meagre existance. The Arctic Monkeys album is out soon, for which I wait with baited breath. Ooh, and Brokeback Mountain. The book is amazing and Heath Ledger is gorgeous, so the film should be brilliant on so many different levels.

And when you look at it like that, it seems that 2006 is going to be pretty damn good, exams and all.

. . . . .

"Too young to hold on,

To old to just break free and run..."